...And the Boots With Tha Fur

If there’s one thing in this world that I love, it’s sleeping in. If there’s one thing I hate in this world, it would be hippies. If there was a second thing I hate in this world, it would be the people who wake you up earlier than you’d like. I didn’t encounter that person this week, but if I had, it would have been a throw down. I slept in until 3 because it seemed like a good idea and I was pretty darn tired. I stumbled out of my room and out into the common area, where Tim sat playing his guitar, strumming some angry song on the instrument. His job was screwing him over again, by making him come in early and having him bartend by himself.

He left shortly in a huff and I took his place on the couch, sitting and thinking about what I wanted to do. I ended up writing the two entries that preceded this one. After that I decided that I should start packing for the move that would be coming up soon.

The last time I moved it was a pretty quick fly by night operation and instead of me filtering out things that didn’t need to be moved, I instead went with the throw some shit in a bag and move it option. This left me with all sorts of items that have followed me since my early college days. I dug through several boxes, unearthing a bunch of different college texts, one book that I had used a sharpie to removed the book’s actual name and replaced it with Sex Ed. What can I say; I was a classy guy back then.

I organized my massive DVD collection and got that box all packed up. Pretty much most of my substantial stuff is packed, now I have to figure out what clothes, I still wear and which I don’t, then give the ones I don’t to St. Vinny’s. I tried to make fish sticks in the toaster oven, because I don’t trust our gas oven. But that didn’t work to my liking, and the toaster oven incinerated the fish to a crispy char. So I hit up subway. I got a text from Amber at like 10:30 that informed me that they were heading down town to party, so I Tasmanian devil’d into my clothes and got in my rocket car and headed for the heart of the city. I rolled up into the fire house where I was roped into a hug as soon as I walked in the door. Nik rolled in for a drink and then he had to go to the goal post, which if you are ever in town, has a pretty amazing fish fry. I suggest the fisherman’s Platter, it’s the own. Anyways, Amber, Nicole and I headed out into the night in search of good times, Amber being in her leopard skinned high heels decided it was better to run down the middle of the road than use the sidewalk. That way it was easier to end our night with that old adage,” Officer the cuffs are hurting me” I was used as a stability line several times as she started to lose her balance on the Ice.

We got into Ned Kelly’s and as soon as we got there we all pretty much wanted to bail, but I had bought everyone drinks so it was a tad more difficult. Amber decided a round of Cherry bombs was in order so being the gentleman I am; I obliged her in a bomb. We stood in the middle of the bar just kind of looking around, hoping to find someone that we knew, but no face was appearing in the crowd. I shrugged and said,” you know what’s cool… Fanny Packs.” Both of the girls started laughing and I’m pretty sure Amber choked on her drink a bit. We gained another in our party of intoxicated adventurers, a guy the name of Corey. Amber downed her drink and started to shake it violently. It was the universal gesture of we need to get the fuck out of here. We once again wandered back out into the frozen wonderland that is green bay, both me and Corey taking turns helping Amber make it over the ice. We arrived at a bar that I’d never been to before named The Keys. It’s a beach party themed bar, which is sort of obscure considering it snows like 9 months out of the year here, but I went with it. A fury of bombs and shots later, I’m getting a tad crazy. Tim shows up and we hang out for a bit, but then Amber demands that we go to the techno club. So we mosey on into that bar and we end up drinking 3 shots, back to back to back. At that point I was ready to hurl, because I hadn’t have enough time to get all of the air out of my stomach from pounding miller lites. So I spent some time in the bathroom walking around waiting for me to either hurl or belch, luckily for yours truly, the belching came first. We adventured back to the fire house where all sorts of shenanigans went on.

We met up with Nik again and I ended up driving him home. I had to go pick up Tim at home because he was drunk and hungry. We got a small meal to feed a king between Hardees and McDonald’s and then we went home and tried to watch “American Gangster”, but we passed out before the opening credits rolled.

So that’s that

Later,

-Jeric

... And the Profound Thoughts about Love

It's one of those things that no matter how many words you have at your disposal, you can never define it.

Love is Free. Love is elemental.
You can have love, but you can't take Love.
You can be in it or out of it in a second, or it can consume an entire life time.
Love is one of the purest things we can find in this world, but it also can be one of the most poisonous things around.
The emotion of love can create an infinite number of emotions.
Love can bring the world together, or in an instant tear it apart.
Love can inspire, Love can depress.
Love is something that we as human beings inheriantly want, but many never obtain.

Its amazing how the word love is described by countless books, but can be explained by something as simple as holding hands or snuggling up on the couch to watch a movie. It's universal.

Take sometime to figure out what love means to you. I think you'll be a better person for it.

-Jeric

...And the Big Changes

it's been sort of a goofy week and I didn't really know how to explain it until I had enough content to really make a post.

The guys in the house had a bit of a falling out on sunday that led into monday. After a conference it was decided that Tim and I would be leaving the house for greener pastures.It wasn't any sort of cool survivor-esk voting process it just made more sense for the 3 who really were good friends to stay in the house and the 2 that were good friends get out.

so the early part of my week was spent freaking out about what i would be doing. where i would live and how i would afford it. I sent out SOS messages to Nik, who happens to be in the real estate business, and my friend Paul who has recently moved and had a large list compiled of places to live that he finds acceptable.

Nik came through for us big and was able to secure a place for us to setup shop and was able to get us a rad deal to boot. big props to nik for being my hero.

The next couple of my days were spent in leadership training where I get to learn about what makes you a good leader and how to handle different situations. It was neat because I was able to break the monotony of normal work, play with legos for one activity, and get free fancy lunches for 2 days.

Overall it was a pretty sweet experience and gives me hope for my business. there are many days in life when you question if you are doing something you love and if it is worth it. after this training, I can say it is worth it, 100%.

Thursday night was spent taking a bitching nap after having to wake up at 6 for 2 days straight. which is totally not cool in my book. so after my nap I got up, got dressed and headed out to meet the guys.

I hadn't had anything to eat since lunch so I figured why not go south of the border for a little taco justice. I ordered a couple of those chicken ranchero tacos. I will never have one again since it decided to leak out of the taco, saturate the wrappered then drop a hefty amount of chicken,ranch, and pico de gao on my my coat, effectively making me look that i had ralphed, blew chunks, tossed my cookies, or whatever hurling reference you want to use. In addition to the coat looking like shit, the liquid had drained on my lap making me look like i pissed a big gulp out of myself.

So instead I sat in my car and rocked out to a little hahatonka, which is quickly becoming one of my favorite bands. But it's not my musical stylings you're here for. When I felt as if my pants were dry enough I rolled into the bar to find Klister and Nik already tossing a couple back. I sat down and then regaled them in a tale of the day.

I was in class and they were talking about the difference between people who are classified as sensors and those who are intuitive. Sensors are people who need to have a specific level of detail and direction for them to excelled because they have those bench marks to monitor they find ways to make it up. Intuitive people like myself are people who need no rules to succeed, that we have several ideas and we will often test as many of them as we can to reach a similar outcome as the sensors. They had me stand up in front of the class, which should be noted is full of people who are in their mid to late 30's and i
m 21 almost 22. awkward.

So they were trying to define our thought processes and the thing we were trying to do was build a bike from start to finish. so the way my mind works it was a good time for a joke. so when they asked me what i would do, i said
1. empty the box
2. cut a hole in the box
3. put your junk in the box
4. make her open the box.

Now there was a long silence as none of them got my amazing pop culture joke luckily the teach was savvy and started to laugh and then i had to really answer the question. which was not as amusing.

Somewhere during our conversations with Amber, who is probably one of the most beautiful and coolest chicks I'll ever have the luck to meet, we were talking about how strong human hair is. Remember, we're dorks. So anyways Amber turned her hair into small ponytails and all 3 of us screamed handle bars. Amber looked at us quizzically, apparently never hearing the term handle bars. Being the gentlemen we are ,we quickly explained the meaning. She exclaims how shes not into S&M and i respond,"listen we're just looking for something to hold onto, not a fucking safe word...." To this she responds looking me straight in the eyes.. "BUBBLE GUM" and she screams it like 6 more times. This exchange seems to entertain us for that night and carried into the next.

We ended up drinking them out of Cherry Doctor, hey we like dice... see dork comment above. So we end up switching to bazooka bombs, which taste like... bubble gum. Tim shows up at some point in the night, smelling of hillbilly's from the country show he had to go to for work. We ate, drank, and were merry, so it was a good night. I got home and due to circumstances beyond my control stayed up until 9 am the next day, which made me awake for 27 hours.

I crashed and woke up at 5 pm, I meandered around the house for a few minutes when Nik calls to ask what were doing for dinner. I'm not overly picky and neither are they so we spend too much time trying to find a place to eat. So we went to the Texas roadhouse. It was my first time there and will probably be my last.

It wasn't like it was bad food, just wasn't a lot of fun. One of the great things there is the bread and butter service. According to Tim the reason the combination of the two is so delicious is because of the 10 teaspoons of Orphan Blood that are added to the dough. Tim suggests we market our own brand of Orphan blood that suggests that it creates a taste you just can't beat.

After that dinner we drove out to UWGB who apparently likes to show "artistic films" on Friday. I didn't know the man who knew too little was overly artistic, but I like Bill Murray so it was a time well spent. On out way to the theater we met a lost and confused young man who could only speak Spanish. we tried to help him find his way back to where he needed to be but he could only say one word, Commercial, and that wasn't ringing any bells.

After the movie we went over to Kasey's dorm room, a friend of mine and Tim's from high school. We had root beer floats, made with instead of vanilla, butter pecan . My love for floats outweighed my blind hatred for butter pecan, and to be honest it wasn't all that bad. Me and Tim did our comedy routine for Kasey and her roommates, which is always a good time. The one problem with hanging at Kasey's is shes got a house like an old person, its like 190 degrees in there all the time, and being the polar bear I am, its just not good business.

We went out for a few beers, but as usual Amber got us drunk, so kudos to her for doing whats best for us. We left the bar and went to wal-mart to get movies to watch, I bought Day watch on DVD and some legos, because after that class, i had this primal need to build shit.

And that was my week thus far, not as funny or as entertaining, but still a quality week none the less.

I'm out
-Jeric

... And the Spin and Win Fiasco

Before I get into any of my drunken adventures, I have a couple things to say. First, it has come to my attention that Tim did not create the word “Va-Jay-Jay” After exposing it to several people over the course of last night I was finally informed that apparently the word was used on the show “Grey’s Anatomy”, which basically killed the word for me.

Secondly, I need to introduce you to some more characters in the pop culture reference filled movie that is my life. I call them “The Crew” and in a weird sort of way, we’re like a really dysfunctional “A-Team”. The reason I say this is that we all have our own special areas of interest and expertise and if you see us in public we pretty much look like the weirdest combination of people ever. Let me introduce you:

Klister: He’s our weapons expert/ tech guy and quick with the “you know how I know you’re gay” jokes. He has sort of a disturbing love of knives. It could have been born of his late night hours, playing on his computer and catching one of those redneck knife shopping programs that came on during the 4-5 am hours in our neck of the woods, but I’m just speculating. Klister has a love, hate relationship with computers; he loves them, but hates working on them. Klister also could be called the human sloth, he works third shift so he gets up at like 5 pm every day, and spends 3 hours groggily looking around his room. He’s usually conscious by bar time on the weekends which is decent. Klister is defined by his token Dr. Pepper hat, which is currently in its third incarnation after the other two met horrible demises. So horrible I won’t list them here, mainly because I forgot.

Nik: Looking really, really ridiculously good looking is an asset that Nik brings to the table. He’s a former male model and it doesn’t hurt to have a face in the party, someone to reel in the ladies or get us a few free drinks here or there. Nik is also our network specialist. The guy has way too much fucking time on his hands so he knows absolutely everyone because he’s a big brother, plays in a bowling, volleyball, racket ball, tennis, flip cup, ping pong, pool, softball, basket ball, and male synchronized swimming league. We’re hard pressed to go anywhere in this town without him knowing somebody and then me shaking their hand mere seconds later. Networking can be a curse however, when you get people you don’t want to hang out with stuck to you. Nik basically wears the most stylish crap you can find which often leads to me answering to random people “while he may look it, Nik isn’t Gay”

Tim: You’ve already met him from my previous entries; he’s my partner in crime. As far as the crew goes he’s sort of our underworld guy. He’s terrified of the police for no apparent reason, but if you need a guy who knows a guy, who is the brother of a guy, who married to the sister of a guy who can get you a cheap price on a moped, Tim can probably help you out. Tim’s also a bartender so he’s always willing to try messed up drinks, or torture us in a game of 7,14,21 by making us drink the worst shot imaginable. He was there for the creation of the golden shower, the most despicable drink ever created. Tim, being obsessed with music as he is can pretty much be constantly seen wearing a random band T shirt and his signature green hat, cocked slightly to the side.

And where do I fit into the grand scheme of things? I’m the facilitator. I’m usually the wheel man because I love to drive and I just put in a sound system in the car so we can rock the hell out when we need to. I also bring the group together; I am the cohesive element that allows our estranged friendships to work the awesome-tastic ways it does. In a way I’m also the unforeseen enforcer of the group. While Tim looks like the edgy scrapper of the group, they’ll never see the pain train coming from the big funny guy who looks like he’s 12.

Anyways, I figure it’s time for a recap of what all went down last night. My night started at the Bar that Tim works at. It’s not a real fun place to hang out, but I figure that the kid needs to see a friendly face to know what he’s fighting for while participating in the war that is keeping Wisconsin in a constant alcoholic haze. Tim introduced me last week to a young lady over at a charity bowling event. She was going to be in town again, so I decided to give her a buzz. It turns out when chicks are driving cars with their friends; they basically act like they are on a controlled substance. I spent the better part of 10 minutes trying to fight to get her attention away from her friend who was in the car. It was like being part of 4 different conversations at the same time. I opted to have her give me a call when she knew what was going on. We usually start our night out at a bar that Nik knows the owners, so we get treated pretty well there.

This is where I introduce you to one of Nik’s personal Kryptonite’s: Spooky Spins. Spooky Spins is a bar game, pretty much a digital slot machine on crack. You put your money in and you can bet anywhere between 5 cents or 4 bucks per spin all at the hopes of hitting it rich. Now it’s a fantastic way to spend some time if you’re waiting for someone to show up, but sometimes Nik gets a little crazy with it, like dumping 400 bucks into the machine sorta crazy. Now it’s not like it’s a wasted investment because the next day he can put 20 bucks in and make 750 back, but sometimes the machine Karma isn’t always there. So this past weekend Nik had a near biblical revelation, I need to quit doing that, cause I lose more than I make.” So this weekend he tasked me to be his will power. Now like any addiction, going cold turkey is really tough. so I said “Nik, you can spend 10 dollars and we’ll see what happens”, couple spins later, he’s up 40 bucks. I tell him to take the win and we slowly inch away from the machine. When we get to the bar it’s like he’s a damn local celebrity, he’s hugging everybody and I’m shaking hands left and right meeting new people, most of which I won’t remember their names.

A half an hour goes by and a flurry of beer and shots are dispensed and things are looking good for our hero. My phone rings, the crazy chick called me back and wanted us to go visit this bar I’d never been to before. This part of the story isn’t really relevant because I end up being an asshole of epic proportions, so I’d prefer to skip it, but my friend Kurt ends up meeting us there so myself, Kurt, and Nik headed over to our home away from home, The Firehouse. We roll in and I get the celebrity treatment, hugs and kisses from the lovely bartenders and a Rolling Rock is in my hand before I even had a chance to sit down. That’s fucking service. The details of our time here aren’t overly important, we get bothered by someone, I win paper rock scissors in a best 2 out of 3 showdown, and Nik gets Pizza drunk (which occurs when he’s had quite a bit to drink, he constantly rubs his eyes and his temples, and then orders a frozen pizza from the bar and he sits and takes like an hour to eat it.)

Kurt drives me over to Tim’s bar again, I figure at this point of the night he could use a friendly face just as much, if not more, than earlier. I roll up buy a beer and am left with a single dollar bill. I look over at the spooky spins in the corner and tell Tim what I’m doing, He shakes his head and hands me a fiver, a Lincoln if you will. I take my 6 bucks over to the machine and put in the funds. Now at this point in the night, I’m pretty much out of it. At the time I was so confused on why I was messed up like this, but then I remembered at a later time that I had consumed half a bottle of Fire breathing bear wine. For those who haven’t tried it. It’s a delight and besides it’s got a fucking bear that breathes fire on the label, which is known worldwide as a sign of awesome

So I drunkenly start to hit the buttons watching my 6 bucks disappear into nothingness. Then all of a sudden the screen lights up and I had somehow won 46 bucks and some odd change. I shrug, play down to 40 bucks and cash out. That money would be later used to purchase a McDonald’s Feast or buy Tim some cigarettes.

I walked back home to the house where I was welcomed by its amazingly empty presence. It was just me. So I foraged around the house for a snack and then I climbed into bed and got down to business… Stargate Atlantis business.

well thats it for another day

-Jeric

...And the First Step

Howdy and welcome to my little slice of the information super highway.

as of 16:45 central standard time my roomate Tim created the word
"va-jay-jay" Now I know that makes no sense, but let me enlighten you. I live in a 2 bedroom house with 5 guys. Its like three's company but much, much gayer. The other thing you must know that each of my roommates have a niche they play. Let me introduce you to the gang:

Me: I'm sort of a different cat, I'm like the day walker of the nerd world. While I can dork down with the best of them, I'm also able to talk to chicks without staring at the floor or involuntarily pissing myself. I'm a pretty funny guy who has a decent range of humors, from your basic dick and fart jokes to your more advanced and sophisticated dick and fart jokes. You know the ones you can tell while your enjoying wine and perhaps a fine cheese.

Tim: he's pretty much my best friend. We could be brothers the way we often play off each other and the way at times we can be complete and utter assholes to each other. If there was a word to describe tim, it's music. he is fucking gay for music. I always get to hear the bands before the become main stream. We were listening to linkin park, way before hybrid theory took off. he's had a rough couple of month's, but i helped him get back on his feet and i've never been happier to have someone to tell funny jokes pretty much any time.

Coty: I've known coty since we were in third grade and he is my best friend. he's pretty much your typical redneck, usually drunk off his ass thanks to busch light or downloading obscure porn. who knew pregnant czech teens was a profitable adult industry. don't get me wrong he's a good guy. sometimes he just does awkward stuff like what i named the "care bear stare." Its basically what his eyes do when hes really, really loaded. All he can muster is a blatant stare at whatever womanly device is near by. Be it crotch, ass, or boobs, nothing can escape the longing,desperate glance of the care bear stare.

Luke: He's a pretty cool guy, he's into sports, games, and constantly bitching at coty for the stupid shit he does around the house. I went to high school with all of the guys i live with, but i never spent much time getting to know Luke. it's been a neat opportunity to get to see someone else's point of view.

Justin: I haven't had a chance to get to know him much since we were kids, he's got a kid now and he's got a job in the valley. we get along, but not really well. he locked me in a freezer when i was 9. nuff said.

but back to the origins of "va-jay-jay". coty in his quest to get porn on every piece of digital equipment he can, he managed to record some indie film starring that chick from coyote ugly... well she plays this lesbian and it had a MA rating. so while looking for the new episode of "stargate atlantis", we found it sitting there. through the magic of Tivo we were looking for the buck wild lesbo stuff when Tim yelled, "for fucks sake, all I is to see some god damn va-jay-jay" and so the catch phrase of the day was created, which eventually led to me going down to wal-mart to buy a small note book to start writing down the witty ideas we come up with while out and about.

so far I have in my leather bound notepad that says "evidence" on the outside:
1. va-jay-jay
2. punched! before climaxing
3. scooby doo that shit.
4. i like polar bears.
5. starting a radio station called wkid... child molester radio. we'd have such great transitions like "its time to grab some candy and get in the van for another hour of music on w.k.i.d.

However its where i must leave you, because it's saturday and i gots to get my drink on. more to come.

-Jeric