Monday, March 3, 2008

...And the Once Upon a Time

If there is one thing in this world that I believe, it’s that we can’t know where we are going if we do not know where we have been. Often our experiences define us as people. If you have a bad memory of eating at Wendy’s, odds are when you’re hungry you will choose some other place to fill your cellulite needs. I like to think that our best memories are indicators of who we are as a person. If your favorite memory is of you and your family out camping at the lake, it shows that you put that commitment first and foremost in your life and you value their time much more than others. If your favorite memory is of you hitting your first hit while on the varsity team, it shows that you look fondly at the practice, skill and determination you had to cultivate to achieve that goal. I figure you being the faithful reader you are, deserve some insight into me as a person. Just a bit though because I don’t want this to go to your head.
It was my Senior Home coming dance. Yeah I know this sounds sort of gay… but it gets better, so don’t you fucking judge me yet. I was taking one of the most influential people of my life to the dance, Jackie. In addition to having the privilege of taking her, I had talked my boss at the time to let me take one of the company’s BMW Z3 roadsters to the dance, which at the time was one of the coolest cars around. So I saddled up in a new outfit, it was a blue sweater and really nice kaki dress pants. I looked good… but Jackie looked amazing, in her little black dress. We came… we saw… and we kicked that dance’s ass. Afterwards in traditional Wisconsin fashion we had to get obliterated. We had a cabin that was out in the middle of the woods that we would frequent 3-4 times a year and just hang out and get crunk. So I drove the tiny little BMW through the woods and through a farm field to our little secluded part of the world were teenage drinking was totally cool. We were the last ones to show up… I know that sounds great for me… well not really. Jackie had to change and let her dog out, so we were a little late.

We rolled in and were welcomed by cheering. We walked into the cabin. Now when I was younger, my friends LOVED that UV blue raspberry vodka. So it was basically all we drank that or Malibu, Both of which I refused to drink to this day. Me and Jackie each grabbed a bottle and take a couple of solid pulls then make our respective drinks. We spread out and start to mingle with our other friends. Now being a high school party, even up in our secluded neck of the woods, you could find the chiba, the chronic, the sticky icky. Choose your nickname for it as you will, but it was there. I’m a straight shooter in that respect that I will not touch any controlled substance except for the sauce o’course. So Jackie is slightly a hippie so she went out there with them and decided to partake in a puff or two. She came back inside the cabin and looked a lot different then she had when she went out. She motioned for me to go join her outside. I had gotten into a game of cards, but laid my hand down and headed for the door. I joined her outside. Now a brief description of this cabin… Deathtrap. It was a log cabin, but parts of it had aluminum siding from like 1930. It had 2 rooms which were usually used for pre-marital sexual encounters, a living room, and a kitchen/dining area.
So there we were, outside under a starry night… don’t even think about it you fags. Now to give you an image of how we are positioned, I’m standing on the last step of the porch looking eastward. Jackie is standing looking north at the kitchen window. She is probably 3 feet away from it. She starts to tell me something and then time starts to slow down. I can to this day remember everything so vividly, I watch as her eyes roll into the back of her head, revealing pearly white orbs. The smell of the nearby farm fields that had been bailed one last time before the winter could come and savage the land. She had passed out on her feet due to the combination of fast drinking and enjoying a hit or two. She started to fall forward towards one of the few spots on the house had had been covered with aluminum siding and it would tear her soft face up like some retarded, rusty cheese grater. I somehow conjured speed that I’m never sure if I’ll ever be able recreate.
I was off the step in a flash and in front of her catching her fall. This took place during my novice drinking days, because I became the semi of consumption I am today, so I was a little wobbly on the feet and I ended up falling backwards and I crashed into the side of the house. After the initial contact had been made with the cabin I felt the long rusty nail enter the soft flesh of my lower back. The combination of surprise, pain, and momentum lead to me crashing down the side of the cabin and the nail slicing its way up my back. I sat there for several moments holding her there in my arms. She eventually woke up and I got her back inside and on the couch. I would answer the questions about why I was bleeding and what happened outside later. All I needed at that moment was to make sure she was ok and safe. Days later I would tell her of what happened and she’d give me a big hug.
Now I know what you’re thinking. Holy shit dude you just got flayed open by the cabin from hell and you probably ruined a really nice sweater, is your life that sad that that instance was your best memory. Well let me enlighten you fuck heads. It was the first time in my life that I got to save the girl. I grew up watching and reading about heroes doing valorous deeds and saving a damsel in distress and after 18 years of existence, I saved the girl. That hopefully tells you something about me and how it defined me as a person. I’m the guy who’ll be there in a heartbeat to pull you out of a party where you drank a shit load of captain while you were on pain pills for the broken wrist you had received from falling out of your bed and carry you the 5 blocks to the dorms and tuck you in. I’m the guy who at a rock concert will be the shield between you and the oncoming blind rage of the mosh pit. I’ll be there to catch you when you fall.
That’s who I am. That experience shaped my life. I challenge you to go out there and look at your life and look for things about yourself that are that way because of something you were a part of, and embrace it, because without it you wouldn’t be the person that people love you for, and you wouldn’t be the person I want to read my tales.
Thanks for stopping by,
-Jeric

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